I spend a lot of time on my teeny front porch these days, sitting and smoking with Bryan, watching the sun set while we listen to music or a podcast. It sounds boring but I find that what needs to come during that time often does: tears, breath, calm, reminders, stories, laughter.
The other night as we sat, I tried to explain once again why I feel pulled to this particular screen – why I want to write in this particular way. Why blog, now?
And then, as things do, a song came on. I didn’t know it, but I knew Mat Kearney’s voice, because it feels like home to me. “Apple thinks you’d like this one,” Bryan says, grinning.
I did like it, indeed.
Mostly because he seems to be spinning through the same thoughts I am – thoughts that would rather sit and occupy all the space in my head. No room to breathe. Imagine. Write. Reach.
Hearing his list, I ahmm back. Yes, I feel that one. Yes, absolutely. YES.
And then he sings: Am I the only one? Is it just me?
Suddenly it all clicked. All my dithering about what this space will be – is it about my mother’s excruciating journey with Alzheimer’s? Is it time to detail all the bad behavior I’ve experienced at the hands of the church? Am I trying to teach or fix or (god help us all) influence?
I don’t know. I don’t have a lot of answers. But writing always helps, and I’m not sure I need any more than this question to start again – the one I’m always asking, the one I always end up finding answered, usually in a completely unexpected way.
Am I the only one?
Is it just me?
Mat Kearney
Love, Sarabeth