© 2015 Sarabeth Jones. All rights reserved.
Bryan texted me at church yesterday to let me know everything was okay, I texted back: I wish I could have seen the guy’s face when he opened the door. Bryan texted me back, just 3 words. Smoke weed everyday. Sunday mornings at my house are a little nuts, mostly because they are the one morning a week I have to be up and out early, while simultaneously not being in gym clothes. Hair, makeup, cute outfit, all by 8:00 am. I know. Life is hard. This Sunday was actually humming along pretty well. I and the two teenagers in my house who also needed to be at church early had somehow managed to all be ready and walking out the door on time. This is notable in my home. Like gold-star certificate level notable. So when my daughter asked if she could drive to church, I said sure! Go start the car, I’ve got to grab my charger. A tiny vision ran through my head, me watching us in the third person, noticing how nice we looked, how well we were all getting along, walking out the door together to go to church. I don’t know why I haven’t learned by now. Elizabeth goes to the garage, puts the door up, puts all of her stuff in the car and starts it. Then jumps back out, shutting the car door behind her. And, somehow, locking it. I didn’t even think my car would let you do that. Apparently I was wrong. So now, we are all locked out, with the car running, and all of her things are inside. I don’t know if you have teenage girls, but things are important, y’all. She felt awful about it, alternately because of the locking of the car and for the losing of the things. I was circling the car, pulling every available handle, shaking my head and saying wait…how…? Will ran upstairs to get help from Bryan, who suggested calling OnStar. I felt he was glaring at me when he said it, so I replied I didn’t do this, okay, so you can just quit being grumpy at ME. That’s called throwing your child under the bus to save face, friends. If you need any more parenting help I’ll be here all day. I called OnStar and the very nice lady on the other end told me that no, they can’t just do a one-time unlock if you don’t have the service. And no, you also cannot start the service right now when your keys are locked in your car. Which is the entire point of having a subscription-based service I guess but OKAY WHATEVER FINE. All of this action was backed by a fairly spectacular soundtrack, as Bryan and I had gone out for a quick dinner the night before, and come home with one of our favorite mixes playing. Loudly. Like full volume, singing at the top of our lungs, bumping it right into the garage, LOUD. It was, of course, now playing in our garage. Good morning, neighbors! Happy Sunday! Bryan handed me his keys and told me he would call a locksmith, which he did, and who came quickly and unlocked the car, loudly backed by Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg. I’m not endorsing anything here, friends, except maybe getting some extra keys made this week. Be sure to play some music you love while you do it.